People-pleasing is a common trait that many of us possess, where we tend to prioritize the needs of others over our own needs.
While it is essential to be considerate of others, people-pleasing can lead to negative consequences, such as burnout, resentment, and a loss of self-identity.
To avoid people-pleasing, it is important to understand the reasons behind this behaviour and learn practical ways to overcome it.
The desire to please others often stems from a fear of rejection or a need for approval.
This need for validation can be traced back to childhood, where children learn that they must behave a certain way to be loved and accepted.
This pattern of behaviour often carries over into adulthood, where we continue to seek the approval of others to feel valued and accepted.
Become Aware Of Your Needs And Desires
The first step to avoiding people-pleasing is to become aware of our own needs and desires. Many of us have a difficult time expressing our needs because we fear that it will upset or inconvenience others.
However, it is essential to understand that our needs are just as important as the needs of others. We cannot take care of others if we do not take care of ourselves first.
One practical way to identify our own needs is to write them down. By creating a list of our needs and desires, we can gain clarity about what is important to us.
This exercise will help us prioritize our needs and communicate them effectively to others. When we know our own needs, it becomes easier to say "no" when we need to and avoid overcommitting ourselves.
Set Boundaries
Another effective way to avoid people-pleasing is to set boundaries. Boundaries are guidelines that we establish for ourselves to maintain our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
For instance, we can set boundaries around the amount of time we spend with certain people, the type of work we take on, or the amount of emotional labor we give to others.
By setting boundaries, we can protect our own needs and communicate our limitations to others.
It is also essential to understand that we cannot please everyone. No matter how hard we try, there will always be someone who is unhappy or dissatisfied with our actions.
We must learn to accept this fact and focus on what is within our control. It is important to remember that our own happiness and well-being are just as important as the happiness of others.
We cannot sacrifice our own needs and desires to make others happy.
Be Assertive
Additionally, it is helpful to practice assertiveness. Being assertive means expressing our needs and opinions in a clear and direct way while respecting the needs and opinions of others.
When we are assertive, we communicate our boundaries and expectations effectively, which can help us avoid situations where we feel overwhelmed or overcommitted.
Practice Self Compassion
Finally, it is important to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion means treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend.
When we make mistakes or face challenges, we must learn to be gentle with ourselves and avoid self-criticism.
Self-compassion can help us cultivate a positive self-image, which can prevent us from seeking validation and approval from others.
Summary
People-pleasing is a common trait that can lead to negative consequences, such as burnout and resentment.
To avoid people-pleasing, it is essential to become aware of our own needs and desires, set boundaries, accept that we cannot please everyone, practice assertiveness, and practice self-compassion.
By prioritizing our own needs and communicating them effectively, we can maintain our well-being and avoid overcommitting ourselves.
